A day spent downtown.
I’m seated in a buzzy coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon, trying to compartmentalize my life in a way that gives me the utmost balance. It’s a drizzly day and the line at the shop consists of people and their dogs, chatty teenagers, newborns, and whichever takeaway boxes folks have trotted out of the brunch places on Main Street.
It’s Tarrytown at its finest.
I moved into a one-bedroom in the center of this historic town earlier this week and couldn’t be happier with my choice.
A lifelong lover of all things city, I wanted something different for my second marriage to New York. Because Tarrytown is equal parts historic and equal parts modern/relatively young, I have the best of both worlds and do not feel like I’m missing out on anything from not being in Manhattan.
I’m grateful to have a job in the city, centrally located and with sweeping views of the busyness below that is the metropolitan existence. After completing a focused and productive day in the office, I can meet up with friends in LES for dinner, then hop in an Uber and head to Grand Central to catch a Metro North express train back home. Upon arriving in Tarrytown, I walk about 10 minutes and stop in my friends’ bar to say “ciao” catch up on all the neighborhood gossip and the highlights from a Yankees game, and then walk 5 minutes to my place for a hot bath lit with candles, a good book, and the sounds “Casta Diva” from Norma.
I know, deep inside I’m just an old Italian man who sits on a bench, staring at the sky in anticipation of the pasta for lunch. It’s a truly simple life if one would call it that.
My Italian, Turkish, and Greek women are the loves of my life and a huge part of my world in Italy. Here we are celebrating my 37th in Torino. From Left: Yamina, Amanda, Giulia, me, Yesim, Isabella, Antonio, and Zoe.
A few days ago, I got an email from a reader who wondered if this newsletter would stay the same, given that I was now in New York and not Torino.
The answer is simply, yes.
A day spent in Barbaresco enjoying the vines and wines of Piedmont.
I will always be a proud American Girl in Italy — it’s actually the dream I have had for a very long time: to split time between Torino and New York. So, my friends, dreams do come true — albeit after a great deal of work, and planning. Italy is a very big part of my identity, and my ability to see life the way I do is greatly influenced by that beautiful and complicated country.
My heart has been with my very close friends these past few months leading up to the general elections, and of course, my Whatsapp chat has been populated by anxiety, fears, hope, and confusion. Italy is in a great period of self-reflection, but also tension between the old and the new. I’m working on a dedicated essay for a publication on this topic and will share it when it’s published, but I will say that it feels like the whole world is in a reckoning period. Or the last half of a Star Wars movie.
Being a time of reflection for my Italians, it’s also a time of reflection for me as I dig deeper into self-forgiveness and understanding. My therapist has been putting me through the wringer.
Which brings me to my question for you: Do you sometimes feel like the hard situations in your life, or the hard people you come across are simply meant to teach you patience? My therapist recently hit me with this:
“Joan, sometimes you think that you are the victim of a situation, or that you have to defend and explain yourself when in reality, it’s not even about you. Sometimes tension with a person or a thing is a moment for you to have patience, and to allow life to work out in its own way. Sometimes, your confusion, your pain, your struggle is a catalyst to someone else’s healing and self-understanding. All you have to do is nothing.”
Yes, please throw me into a loop by telling me this in a session where I thought I’d get to bitch about family drama. You all know that it’s very hard for me not to do anything — especially when I’m uncomfortable — yet I’m finding that my therapist might be right. Freedom is in letting go of how you used to do things.
In the meantime, as I set up a home in the US of A, I’m also building out a new kitchen, developing new recipes, and testing out running a Shabbat gathering once a month. My love for cooking and hosting people around a table full of food is an insatiable need, so I’m letting the Sunday Family Dinners be the Italian counterpart.
My first time making pasta alle vongole while helping out at a vineyard in Abruzzo last summer.
A few nights ago, I met some locals of Tarrytown and was quickly introduced to the neighborhood through food and history. I’m one of those individuals who has to quickly put down “roots” in order to feel safe. This looks like mapping out my new local coffee shop, dry cleaner, and butcher — the only things I need to live well.
My new friends are older than me by at least 20 years, all working in the city and leaders in Finance, Medicine, Law, and Government — apparently, the area is full of “good stock” as my new friend Mike told me. I appreciate intergenerational friendships and really do take pride in learning from those who have come before me. I feel as though I’ve been inducted into a super club of New York’s elite, and I’m still getting my head around all the different characters. We now meet every Saturday to catch up and converse for hours.
A couple of things I’m looking forward to in these weeks/months:
My Italians flying into NYC for Thanksgiving! We’ll have a full house in Tarrytown and I absolutely cannot wait to host the crew.
Weekend lunches at Blue Hill at Stone Barnes (it’s just a few minutes drive from my house).
Getting back to Torino and planning a family dinner, plus much-needed time with my horses in Asti.
Robert Glasper’s residency at Blue Note Jazz Club.
Cozy nights at my favorite place in all of New York, Balaboosta.
Opening night at the Met for La Traviata.
Volunteering at this arts community with a new friend.
It’s a lot of things to do, but I enjoy keeping busy and the more involved I am with the city and community around me, the more inspiration I get for my writing, for taking care of my family and friends, and for being a good employee.
I’m doing alright, going with the flow and really trying to focus on just enjoying the moment. Being back in New York is a total trip, but in more ways than one, it’s the perfect time to start my second marriage to the city.
I think this time, it will stick.